I appreciate you taking the time to write. I considered carefully whether I should respond, but I’ve concluded that it’s time for me, as his father, to address this new set of issues directly. Until now I have remained quiet, largely because I prefer to engage only in honest, meaningful interactions that lead to something constructive. Given what has developed, however, it’s necessary for me to respond and to clearly establish some boundaries.
Yes, the post was meant for you. I suspected you might see it, and I meant every word of it. I genuinely wish you peace, healing, and joy.
That however does not preclude me from setting some strict boundaries. Do not be convinced that I, under any means, believe that my family and your family suffered any sort of equal damage or that it was a tit for tat type of exchange that has been occurring over the last 20 years. All the things that my family suffered was at the offense of your family’s actions and not from the choices that my family made. All of the damages that were inflicted on your family were of the choices that you and your husband made and were the consequences of those failed actions against us. This is verifiable fact and not debatable.
While you may prefer to frame this as a misunderstanding, the reality is that you and your husband have lived very publicly for many years, moving place to place leaving messes behind and the pattern of decisions over that time has shaped how people understand what has really happened here. Many of those choices had nothing to do with us, yet they still point to the same conclusion that others have already reached. You and your husband were driven by money issues.
The contrast between your message to me and the messages you have sent to others is difficult to ignore. While your message to me was calm and kind in tone, it stands in stark contrast to the threatening remarks directed at our son about his past and the angry, insulting messages sent to my wife. You even admitted to unblocking her simply to send those messages before blocking her again. Taken together, this behavior suggests either a lack of clarity in judgment or an anger that is beginning to cloud it.
I am not sure what you are trying to accomplish here or why you are so sporadic, writing kind words and leaving presents on the doorstep and then writing abusive, accusatory and threatening messages to someone recently healed of a drug addition now believed to be caused by the same abuse that he underwent while under your watch. I understand that the situation may be frightening for you, especially considering the evidence. Let me be clear, we have no desire to use it to harm you or your family. Sint omnia (Let everything be).
We did not instigate any of the allegations in our 20 years, you and your husband did. Continued threats against my son or my wife, including threats of police involvement or legal action, only escalate the situation and create a documented record of harassment that none of us benefit from. And the foul mouthed rant from your daughter basically parroting the same things you have said in the last few weeks has proven again that you two are not beyond using and manipulating your children to get what you want.
So again, I have to ask, what exactly is your intention here? Our son has asked for time and distance from your family because of the abuse he says he experienced. Whether you believe his account or not, the reality is that he is still in recovery, still in therapy, and still trying to work through those wounds. Piling on additional stress, threatening legal action, talking about having him jailed, and turning his siblings against him after he has spoken about those experiences only reinforces what he has been saying. Doing this suddenly, right after he asked for space and no contact, comes across as vindictive. I think you know that.
Honestly, it makes me wonder if something or someone else is driving this. I would hope your real desire is simply to spend time with your grandson, but the erratic nature of these actions makes that difficult to understand. Threatening him in this way is the exact opposite of the path that would lead to that outcome.
Listen, I believe in reconciliation. But reconciliation can’t happen unless there is honesty. That means acknowledging what was done and no longer denying what is plainly evident. Your husband’s actions, pressing false allegations against us, pursuing every financial advantage he could in the process, and directing his anger toward my wife by taking it out on her son, must be brought into the open and acknowledged before our son if there is ever going to be a real path toward reconciliation. That is the hard boundary.
While you may think that this is coming out of a controlling spirit, don’t be fooled. My son is a man, he is showing potential for being a much better man than I ever was. The difference that you might not understand is that this does not scare me, it never has. I celebrate it, I cherish it and I support it. He is free now to seek God and become the spiritual leader he was meant to be. Free from his past. And if he slips again, then I will be there to speak truth to him and remind him of his value to me and to his Heavenly Father.
You see, I believe that we were all lied to when people told us “you can’t take anything to heaven with you”. This is not true, if by some happen chance, your children believe in Christ, you get to take them with you! That is the filter that I look at my children with now. This last part of my life I will use with every fiber of my being to insure my children know I wasn’t a perfect dad and that I am sorry for failing them so many times but I want all things I do while I still have breath to point to Him, for their sake. I too would think really hard about what legacy you all are leaving behind with your precious four.
So this is your Choice, the abusive behavior that has allegedly been imputed on my son by your family is extraordinary so what ever cost of reconciliation is, it needs to be paid; and the currency is truth. Pay this cost and work toward healing. You can also just walk away in peace and let things be, let our son move on and see what God does with him over time. Or you can double down and continue the current path and drive that wedge deeper. But be warned we will counter every untruth and denial with evidence, publicly.
Until then me and my wife wish to have no further contact from you or your husband by any means. If you or any one else in your immediate family continue to send messages other than a complete confession of truth and an apology we will be forced to seek a restraining order. My wish is that it never goes that far.
I will say this once more. My heart bleeds for you during this fight with your cancer. I pray right now that the Lord heals you, comforts you and strengthens your faith. That you find forgiveness in your heart. That regardless of the animosity between our families, we love you and your children dearly and only wish the best for you all.
Sincerely…